Happy Birthday Shikamaru
by glockcourage
Summary: A birthday cake ingredients ...a dash of sweet and sour humour, a tenderized sandal and the cherry or sakura on top a chapter 647 spoiler. Be wary and be careful not to choke.


Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns Shikamaru and gang. And he can do absolutely anything with them. _Bummer._

Rated: T for swear words.

—o0o—

**Happy Birthday, Shikamaru**

"I'm FF's announcer and we are here at the birthday press conference of our favourite male character in Naruto—_Gintama!_ Just kidding you know I meant the slacker clown, Nara Shikamaru." The announcer turned towards her guest seated on the couch before her. "Say hello to your fans."

Shikamaru, slouched as usual on the couch, did and spoke in Jap.

"_Err_ I think the one who wrote the script in this particular thingy gave you the ability to speak in English, Shikamaru."

"Hi," the boy genius said, waving once his hand towards the studio audience, the effort must have cost him a lot of ATPs.

"First of, happy birthday." The announcer showed to the wide-eye viewers a huge poster of Temari, wearing a two bit bikini blowing a kiss at the camera, before giving it to Shikamaru. "This is your gift."

_"Tch."_ Shikamaru hastily reached for the poster, rolling it close fast. _"What's the woman thinking, posing up nude,"_ he mumbled beneath his breath, only the studio mike picked it up.

"She's not nude. Those are skin-toned—"

In a rare display of temper, Shikamaru looked sharply at the announcer.

"_Oh boy_ it seems you're not happy with our gift," the announcer pouted. "Next, let's tackle your value-meter."

_"My what?"_

"Oh you know… How important your character is in the series."

"Of course, it's important. The other nins that have an ounce of grey matter in them are already dead. Killing me off will leave the succeeding generations of shinobis with just so-so IQs."

The announcer nodded her head vigorously. "Yeah, I agree with you. Plus the fact that just imagining what characteristics your and Temari's baby will take up from both of you have been a subject of discussions for years."

Shikamaru smirked.

Suddenly, one audience shouted from her chair. "Plus two established fandoms, ruined if he dies."

The other audiences and the announcer searched for the said audience.

The announcer unable to locate the speaker, addressed no one in particular. "This is troublesome…For those in the wrong room—the ShikaIno fans are having their own press con at the room beside this. This is a ShikaTema one. But still whoever you are you're still welcome though."

_"I'm actually a ShikaChouji fan!"_ suddenly that audience screamed, bursting into tears. "But not much is written about them."

"_Err._ That's sad," the announcer sympathized. "Do you need a tissue or some—"

"_Tch_. Are you interviewing me or that fangirl?" Shikamaru sighed, looking ready to fall asleep on the couch.

"You, of course." The announcer looked at her cue cards. "Where were we?"

"My future children," supplied Shikamaru.

"So how do you feel about a blond son and dark-haired daughter?"

"It's okay so long as they don't get any qualities from their uncles. Can you imagine my daughter with no eyebrows or my lazy son wasting time painting his own face?"

"_Asshole_, we're sitting here," Kankuro growled from the audience. Gaara seated beside him, his arms crossed on his chest, his eyebrow-less eyes gazing sharply at Shikamaru.

"_Oi Kankuro_ admit it too you don't want your niece to look like Gaara," muttered Shikamaru.

"That's a moot point now since Kishi had already *bleep* you," Kankuro shouted.

Shikamaru snapped back, "In case you haven't noticed, a medic is there. The same medic who was there with Chiyo when the old woman gave her life to Gaara. Sakura must have learned something from that experience."

This time Gaara snorted from his own chair. "Sakura's value is more than you. She belongs to the main protagonist's team."

"Don't comment on that," the announcer raised her hand, stopping Shikamaru. "_Err_ the Sakura fan club is made up of very young fangirls so please, please let's maintain peace."

Kankuro swiveled his smirking face towards his youngest brother."It seems Gaara that you like Sakura."

"It's just a contingency plan in case the Shikamaru-Temari plan fall through. The fans will probably want a Konoha-Suna marriage alliance so I was chosen," Gaara admitted.

"What do you mean you were chosen? Me and Ino are a hotter love team than you and Sakura," Kankuro growled.

"That's what you think. Naruto's been in love with Sakura for years. If I—_his other bestest friend_—gets the girl of his dreams it will be heart wrenching and more unforgettable."

_"Both of you shut up. That ass is not gonna die!"_ Temari yelled, removing her invisibility cloak. She had sneaked into the conference room, wanting not to be seen. She did not want to spark gossip but really her two brothers were too much.

"Thank you, Temari." The announcer smiled. Her head had been playing pingpong between Kankuro and Gaara and appreciated the neck rest. "The effects of the latest manga chapter is already felt. I know someone who was making a joke about Naruto dying and nobody ended up laughing."

"Tell GC her joke was ill-timed," rasped Temari.

"_Err_ I think she already knew that." The announcer hanged her head.

"I hate to break it up to you, Temari but see… Shikamaru to Sakura will be like Dan to Lady Tsunade," announced Gaara. "The resounding theme if you haven't noticed is the past repeating itself."

"_Oh pleassse _Sakura doesn't see Shikamaru that way!" Temari said, exasperated.

Kankuro butted in, "Then Shikamaru to Sakura is like Nawaki, the little brother, to Tsunade. And it will be a turning point in her life, making her scared of blood or someth—_mmf"_

A sandal flew to Kankuro's mouth. Temari was still holding the other pair, threateningly. "I said the lazy ass bastard will take his time dying. If he dies now that will seem like he's in a hurry. And that will be OOC. _Kapish?"_

_"What's OOC?"_ the announcer asked.

"Can I answer this one? After all this is my interview, right?" Shikamaru grumbled. "OOC means out of character."

"Thanks Shikamaru."

"So if we're done here, I'm going," Shikamaru added. "I have another interview at the next room—"

"You are not going there, ass," scowled Temari.

"Fine. Make my excuses then," replied Shikamaru.

"I'll do it. I know a solid excuse," Kankuro volunteered. "I'll tell them you're in a meeting—_a meeting_ _with your maker."_

Another sandal flew.

—o0o—

~9 22 13 AF P~

A/N: To this time, I'm still wondering why the latest chapter of _In Between the Lines_ has no review. Is it me or the site?…Hmn probably me. My aura is a bit dark, ne? :(

Still fighting! Happy Birthday, Shimmy ~my niece~ and Shikky!


End file.
